


I Needed To Be Saved

by cactipresident



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Blood, Dreams, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fear, Kidnapping, Panic Attacks, Paranoia, Self Loathing, Smut, Well eventually, crowley is an idiot, did i mention crowley's an idiot?, extra demons, hopefully I did well, hunter in training, like a huge idiot, my first reader insert, painful past, sleep watching
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-03
Updated: 2015-09-16
Packaged: 2018-04-07 10:38:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 15,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4260144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cactipresident/pseuds/cactipresident
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You just wanted to live a normal life. Life had other plans including murdering vampires, The king of hell, the Winchesters and maybe a few Angels just to shake things up.<br/>No wonder you end up drinking.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Initial meeting

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first attempt at a reader insert story, so please tell me what you think in the comments!  
> Hopefully I didn't mess up the characters too much
> 
> [Y/F/N]- Your full name  
> [Y/N]- Your first name  
> [Y/L/N]- Your last name

Sitting in the empty bunker downing the strongest drink you could find makes one think about their life and the circumstances leading to that point. Pretty much was inevitable for you to be alone after everything. You’ve been avoiding it but life seemed to be working against you, sending the boys out for a hunt you were not qualified for. Not yet anyway.

The Winchesters and their Angel found you a few weeks ago, trying -and failing- to kill a vampire that had entered your home. Apparently they were tracking the bastard  
when it gave them the slip and decided your house was the best to refuel.You were asleep when it did, that was till the screams of your family woke you up. You then tried to kill the son of a bitch like you would a person murdering your family, not a vampire, with a shot at his heart. Unfortunately that did absolutely nothing but alert the vamp to your presence. You almost suffered the same fate as your family , that is if Sam and Dean hadn’t burst into the house blades swinging. It was a traumatic night you’ve been trying your hardest not to think about. But like all things someone tries to avoid you inevitably had to face what happened that night and then after that.

It was life changing to say the least. Everything you’ve been reading about for years as a hobbie were real. Your entire worldview was shifted and you had no one to help you. No one to prepare you for what that knowledge meant.

The Winchesters tried to help. After the two realized you were on your own with nothing they must have seen something they sympathized with because next thing you knew they took you in like one of their own. Slowly they’ve been training you to hunt, something you fought to be able to do. They wanted to let you rest a little but you were having none of that bullshit. You wanted to know how to kill the things that went bump in the night and nothing was going to stop you. Not even two giant fucking mountains of men.

But they eventually had to leave, even Cas had better things to do than babysit someone who would barely sleep,eat, or like to be left alone. You were clingy , you’re not going to lie but the other option was your thoughts and there was no way you were going down that road willingly.

Which lead to you now. Drinking your sorrows away a la winchester style. Self medication the proper way. You picked up the quickly emptying bottle again taking a gulp or two and trying to ignore the burn you felt as it went down. It kept the nightmares at bay and that’s all you could ask.

“ Well hello b-... you are most definitely not either of those denim clad nightmares.”

You shot up,albeit shakily,at the sudden voice in the once empty bunker. Turning around quickly you were face to face with a well dressed man sipping an amber drink looking at you expectantly, as if you were the one intruding on his home. For all you knew you could be. Your mind scrambled to figure out what he was, a mental list of every supernatural being you so far knew could teleport into the men of letters lair. The list was short and contained one name.

You must not have been as fast as you hoped because he coughed again, eyebrows raised and still waiting for some sort of explanation.

You blushed, you’re already red face from drinking going redder.”[y-y/f/n]” You blurted out, not knowing how’d that help. Shaking your head to clear your mind a little you corrected yourself. “ I’m, uh, I’m staying with sam and dean for a little. They said I could stay here and make myself comfortable. “ Turning around you saw the mess on the table you left from your round of not thinking. Blushing more you moved to start cleaning up, stammering out an apology. The well dressed man seemed overall amused with you and your antics causing you to look down at the floor and close your eyes as you mentally berated yourself.

“ Come now,love. No need to clean on account of little ol’ me.” He purred as he smirked. He took a step closer to you making you take an unconscious step backwards. He paused, head tilting and eyes narrowing.

“ You,darling, are not a hunter.” He stated, giving you a piercing look like he could read your very soul. It made you shiver and try to hide yourself.

Could angels read minds?, you thought, hoping to god they couldn’t. The amount of wrong things you thought in Castiel’s presence was innumerable. God you were going to hell weren’t you?

“ I… Not yet!” You defended, not wanting to seem too weak in front of the mystery man. He clearly knew the winchesters so he must be one of their friends. “ They… they’re training me.” You quietly added realizing that to an immortal being you were practically nothing. The small man narrowed his eyes again before letting a grin spread across his face.

“New blood then! I bet you haven’t even died yet.” He added with a glint of his eyes. Your eyes grew wide in both confusion and a sudden fear that filled you. Maybe this one wasn’t as friendly as Castiel…. The man noticed your growing fear and smirked at you. He gave you a look that made the butterflies in your stomach twitch despite your fear. “Don’t worry darling, I won’t be the one to kill you. At least for now” He purred, “ Trying to stay on the boy’s good side”

Despite his attempts to uh, assure you the fear still stayed. You felt it rise in your throat where it stayed like a cancerous lump. You suddenly had to rethink this man being Sam and Dean’s friend. You hoped they wouldn’t keep such dangerous company...but now that you thought about it you knew little to nothing about the Winchesters. All you know is they save people..sometimes. Also they’re painfully co-dependent. Thank god you weren’t attracted to either of them,otherwise you’d be part of their insane emotional rollercoaster.

You closed your eyes and sighed, suddenly rethinking not only the strange man who appeared in the room to everything your life had become. The very thing you were hoping to avoid. Slowly you opened your eyes and looked at the well dressed ..thing in the middle of the room. He had gotten closer to you as if curious about your existence. After a moment's thought you finally decided what you were going to do with this man who both scared you and made your stomach flip in ways it hadn’t in a looong time.

“ Well since I’m the boy’s guest, I guess you’re going to have to be nice to me as well. Drink?” You pointed to the chair across from where you had made camp to drown your sorrows, inviting him to sit down. The man’s eyebrows raised in surprise at your sudden boldness, but with a nod towards you he reappeared in the seat across from yours. You smiled a little at his antics, but the fear kept it from growing any larger. You hoped whatever you grabbed from the Men of Letter’s wine cellar could fix it a little. If not, oh well. You were meant to die on that night with your family. You knew you were on borrowed time. It was only a matter of time till something supernatural killed you. You looked at the mess on the table. It was a bunch of research for the hunt the boys were on,some print outs you made of the “Winchester Bible” to further understand the people you were living with, and… news articles about your family. But no where around you was a cup. It felt silly taking a swig from the bottle when the man in front of you was clearly drinking from a glass. A very nice glass you might add. You stared at it, realizing it wasn’t from the Bunker at all. You guys had shitty plastic tupperware looking glasses. Nothing as intricate and delicate looking as the glass the man was cradling.

You were startled from your search by a cough. Looking up from the pale hands of your uninvited guest you saw the man smiling at you again, though this time his eyes looked hooded. You could feel the blush burning on your face and thought , Aw screw it, as you downed what was left in the bottle straight from said bottle.

“So,[Y/N]” The man started as you tried to ignore the shiver that was caused by him saying your name with such a rich accent, “What caused a young,beautiful thing like you to join the hunter life with Moose and Squirrel?” He sat staring at you intensely , gauging your reaction to all that he said. From the deepening of the red on your cheeks that had nothing to do with the alcohol to the fall of your face to the confusion then realization of the nicknames. You had to give a small laugh at that. Now that he said, you had a hard time not associating the two to their respective nicknames. Dean was a bit squirrely sometimes and well Sam seemed kinda obvious.

For the second time that night in only the span of a few minutes you had to wonder if Angels could read minds. The one question you hoped beyond hope wouldn’t be brought was well brought up. You turned away from him, looking at the floor. Maybe if you curled up a bit more you’d disappear from his vision and he’d leave you alone. As you began to curl up on yourself and the tears began to flow, finally unable to stop them due to lack of control caused by the alcohol, you felt movement beside you. Just wanting the pain to stop for once, you closed your eyes trying really hard to not think of them. If only the mind worked like that. What you wouldn’t give for them to be okay. What you wouldn’t give to stop hurting.

With your eyes closed you didn’t see the hand coming, so you were startled when you felt someone wipe your tears away. Opening your eyes in shock you saw the man kneeling next to you , his eyes staring into yours. You opened your mouth to ask him why but no sound came out of your mouth. Instead you just leaned closer to him. He himself seemed a little shocked at that but it disappeared under his cool facade. His poker face could beat even Dean’s. You both just sat there staring at each other. His hand was still on your face, no longer wiping tears away but softly rubbing your face with his thumb to comfort you. You placed your hand on top of his just wanting to be sure he was real. He felt as real as you. He felt better than you.

He made the first move, slowly moving towards you, giving you plenty of time to say no or turn away. Instead you leaned closer, eyes slowly closing, sealing your lips together. At first you two moved slowly against each other just wanting to feel the other. When he cupped your face with his other hand you moved to deepen the kiss, licking his lips slightly.

He opened his mouth for you his tongue reaching out to meet yours. You could taste his expensive liquor and what smelled similar to sulfur.You pulled him closer by the lapels of his suit, having a sudden need to want to taste all of him. He let you manhandle him as he explored your mouth, making you moan softly. God what this man could do with his tongue.

You two would have continued further but you were loudly interrupted by an obnoxious ringtone. Returning to reality you jumped apart realizing that you just made out with someone you didn’t even know. No more drinking when people show up. Solo drinking from now on. Slowly you noticed he was looking at you expectantly. That was when your brain caught up with the sound that broke you two apart. It was your phone going off. Scrambling to get to your phone you answered without looking at caller ID .

“Hello?” You practically shouted into the phone. You could hear the person on the other line jolt and drop their phone. That gave you a few seconds you hadn’t thought you’d have. Turning back to the mystery man you saw him fixing himself as if he was leaving. He looked up at you, grinning below his hooded eyes.

“ Well,Love, this was fun but I must be leaving.” He looked you up and down before continuing. “ But be sure I’ll be back for an uninterrupted round two.” You blushed deeply mouth opening and closing like a floundering fish before you could think of what to say.

“ I don’t even know your name.” You were planning on saying something completely different. Something along the lines of, ‘That was amazing, I can’t wait for Round two’ or ‘ Let me just hang up on this person with no warning, lets just continue round one’’. Instead your brain decided that it was better to just ask his name.

He smiled again, stepping closer to you and cupping your face with one hand again “They call me Crowley” He answered, a look of pride on his face. Mentally you went through your head trying to find out why that sounded so familiar… and so comforting. You smiled back at him before realizing the person on the other end was yelling your name.

Just as you went back to concentrating on the phone he disappeared with a small wave goodbye, leaving the way he came.

“[Y/N]!” Dean shouted for the third time, now getting worried. Mentally you shook yourself and tried to sound as natural as possible.

“ Uh, hey Dean.. what’s up?” You heard the Hunter let go a sigh of relief when you answered. You could softly hear Sam in the background asking questions before Dean put you on speaker so you could easily talk to the both of them.

“Well we called to get a little more info on the spirit..” Sam started. You could feel his worry all the way over in the Bunker. You sighed and ran a hand through your hair.

“ ‘Cept I hear someone else in the Bunker. What’d I say about wild parties,[Y/L/N]?” The jest in Dean’s voice was evident but so was his fear that was slightly left over from him yelling your name. You looked down at the floor and shuffled your feet knowing you had to explain yourself.

“ I didn’t invite anyone, I swear! He just, i don’t know, He just kinda showed up like Cas does a lot when he’s babysitting me.” You winced at the bitterness in your voice at the word babysitting. You knew they were just trying to protect you but you wanted to be able to contribute after they saved your life. You heard nothing but silence, meaning the two Winchester boys were sharing one of their looks no one but they could decipher.

“[y/n]... Who showed up?” Sam asked softly, voice cracking due to bad connection from inside the Men of Letter’s lair.

You thought back to what happened and thanked god they couldn’t see you, “ Uh, He said his name was Crowley..” The second you said his name you heard Dean let out a string of curses along with yelling at sam.

“ I Told you we should have taught her about Demons!”

“Dean, if she tried to do anything he would have killed her”

“Guys..” You tried to interrupt but neither was listening to you anymore.You honestly had no idea what they were talking about now.

“ She should at least have protection! Or something!”

“Guys!”

“ How was I supposed to know he could get into the Bunker! He never has before!”

“ He never knew about it before! And you’re supposed to be the nerd!”

“GUYS!” You yelled into the phone, the two boys finally quiet in their bickering. You let out a breath of air and refocused on what you wanted them to tell you. “ Who is he?”

Silence from their end again before Dean growled out, “ The King of Hell”

Oh.

Oh my god.

“ I… I got to go” You slowly hung up your phone despite sam and dean yelling at you not to. You knew you were going to get hell but.. Jesus Christ.

You just made out with the King of Hell.


	2. Not what you had in mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kidnappings seem so much fun, everyone is doing it these days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp what was meant to be a one shot is now going to be a multi chapther fic becasuese now i'm fucking invested. Strap in for a wild ride my dears. Hope this is what you wanted when you asked for a second chapther

To say your life has been a picnic since that fateful meeting with the King of Hell would be a lie. It’s been at least a week since you saw him and everyday Sam and Dean would question you about whatever Crowley said to you. You must of told them you guys didn’t say much to each other when he showed up a thousand times. But each time you did you could see them believing you a little more. It was only a matter of time before they left you alone about it and you could move on with your life. 

But no Castiel had to be a concerned friend.  
.  
One touch to your forehead when you were passed out on the couch and he saw everything you and Crowley uh.. “talked about”. Damn Angels and their abilities to see memories. After that you hadn’t had a second to yourself. You were either by one of the brothers or Castiel. They didn’t trust you anymore.

So here you are now in a dingy motel somewhere in Bumfuck,Nowhere with Moose and Squirrel. God, you had to stop referring to them as that even if it was only in your head. The two sat on their separate beds , one awake at all time to watch over you. You got to sleep on the couch, which was uncomfortable as fuck. Right above your make shift bed was a Devil’s Trap painted into the ceiling. Some “extra protection” the winchester’s proclaimed. They were convinced Crowley put some spell on you to use you against them. At first you were a little happy that you meant so much to them already, then you realised how fucking self centered they were to think everything had to be about them. Maybe Crowley just wanted another soul or something to add to his messed up collection.

Sighing you closed your eyes, trying your hardest to ignore whatever stupid show Dean had put on. From the sound of it, it was some soap opera surrounding a hospital. You really wished you could have your own room, or at least five minutes alone. You could barely use the bathroom for a second without one of them pounding on the door. It wasn’t like Crowley could find you guys either. All three of you were blocked from his demon radar with some hex bags Cas and Sam made.

Speaking of Cas, you hadn’t seen him since Dean told you what he had seen in your mind. You were a little pissed when it happened but now you knew the Angel was just worried for you. You were in the midst of a nightmare when he touched your forehead, he was merely trying to help both you and the boys. You had tried to be mad at him but you just couldn’t. He was your good friend, probably your only friend. The Winchesters didn’t make good friends. Not when they were too busy being suspicious of you and kidnapping you.With another sigh, you opened your eyes and glared around the room, trying to figure out what to do with your life. 

You couldn’t sleep because sleep brought the horrifying nightmares, the amount of times the boys said you screamed in your sleep was astronomical, and you couldn’t really go to a bar or well anywhere. Dean and Sam had put a ban on anything outside the room which made it oh so much fun for you. You looked over at Dean who ignored your sighs completely. You couldn’t tell if it was because he didn’t care or he was too invested in his show. You desperately hoped for the latter. Even if you were a little mad at them you couldn’t help craving their approval, something you got none of recently. You were starved for a welcoming touch which was well just sad.

Getting up, you felt his eyes suddenly shift over to you. With a stretch of your muscles you walked over to his bed and plopped down. Finally you could see the TV and the crap the eldest was watching. You could still feel his eyes on you even as you crossed your arms and pointedly ignored him. You just wanted to be distracted and if that meant sitting by another human who had as much trust in you as a demon then so be it.

About five minutes into the show, you asked Dean why Dr.Piccolo kept slapping that one doctor. That lead him into a twenty minute explanation of Dr.Piccolo’s character arc and the relationship between the two, which lead to about a two hour explanation between commercials of basically everyone. You hated to admit it but you were now invested in Dr.Sexy,MD. Somehow Dean got popcorn and the two of you spent most of the time of his watch of you watching the soap opera. Seemed the dude found a marathon which you appreciated.

You also appreciated the talking to you like a human being. It was the least you could ask after lying to him and his brother. But honestly it wasn’t like they never kissed a demon before. The only difference was they knew it was a demon. You did not. Hell you didn’t know demons were a thing! But you still liked he was talking to you, despite his shortcoming as a hypocrite. God, how starved for human connection were you? Very seemed to be the sad answer to that even sadder question.

A blaring alarm was the next thing you heard, waking you from the best sleep you had in a week. Sometime in the night, you had fallen asleep on Dean’s shoulder and he fell asleep as well, leaning on your head. You both woke up, and practically jumped to opposite sides of the bed. Belatedly you could hear Sam laughing his ass off, phone in hand.

“Oh man, you should’ve seen your faces,” He managed to get out between giggles while Dean glared at him with all his worth.Smiling for the first time in a while you looked at both of them. 

“ The picture you took, I’m going to need that sent to my phone” You joked. Sam smiled back, and played on his phone for a bit.

“Done and done.” You both laughed as Dean groaned and threw a pillow at both of you before storming off to the bathroom, mumbling something about the assholes he had to live with which only sent the two of you into another laughing fit. Happily you thought you were finally gaining their trust again. They were going to let you be part of their family again. Nothing could ruin this moment.

“Sam…[Y/N]...”  
You both jumped and turned around seeing a bloody Castiel. You gave a scream as you covered you mouth in horror while Sam ran to his friend as he fell. Cas gave a pained smile of thanks as Sam helped him onto Dean’s bed, both of you knowing Dean wouldn’t care. 

Speak of the Devil, Dean ran out of the bathroom, gun drawn and eyes cruel before he realized why you had screamed. Tossing the gun away he ran to help the two of you with Cas. His eyes going from hunter to concerned friend.

When Dean got to Castiel, you moved away, knowing the boys would have an easier time fixing him then if you were in the way. You tried to ignore the tears welling up in your eyes as you looked at one of your few friends. You looked down at the dirty motel floor, hands in fists by your side as you tried to stop the thoughts making their way into your head.

“ What the hell, Cas” Dean mumbled, looking at all the cuts and bruises on the Angel. Cas leaned his head back so it hit the headboard. He didn’t look like he was in any condition to talk. At all. Dean still tried to get him to before Cas looked like he passed out due to pain. This was your fault wasn’t this?

Dean and Sam shared a look before Sam walked to the bathroom right past you to get the First Aid kit. Dean looked over at you, brow knotting as he saw your tears. Fortunately before he could question it Cas gave a pained moan, dean’s attention now back on the once powerful Angel.

“W-what could do this to him?” You quietly asked. When Dean didn’t answer right away, you looked up at him. His concentration was fully on Cas but his hand was squeezing the Angel’s almost painfully tight. You could see his knuckles go white as he clutched the powerful hand in anger. He eventually let go, looking back at you again with a sigh.

“I… I don’t know, [Y/n]” Dean admitted. “ Cas hasn’t been up to power recently. A gust of wind might’ve done this to him for all we know..” Sam finally got back with the first aid kit, handing it to his brother as they both tried to help their friend.

“ Now I wouldn’t say I’m a gust of wind, but you’re not wrong.” a familiar voice said from the couch.

A shiver of fear went down your back at the voice. Slowly turning around you saw Crowley sitting on your makeshift bed in the same well made suit he wore when you met him. Everything about him seemed exactly the same. The only thing difference was you now knew what he was and what he could do. And it terrified the shit out of you.

Crowley seemed to sense the fear and turned to look at you, a smile breaking out across his face. He gave you a wink which just made your stomach drop at the thought of what he could do to you. You felt none of those butterflies you did on that night long ago.

 

You could hear behind you a gun click. You knew it was Dean. Only he would get to shot the thing that hurt Cas. Crowley turned his attention to the eldest Winchester. He seemed completely unconcerned despite the gun pointed at him. In fact he smiled at Dean then at the still form of Castiel.

“ I see he did make it to you instead of passing out. Good for him” He calmly stated, the lack of empathy very clear. This only made Dean more mad. You could hear it when Dean’s breathing became a little less controlled. You on the other hand got more scared and couldn’t help the word that squeaked by your lips.

“Why?”

“She speaks!” Crowley proclaimed, his smile growing. You could swear his teeth were pointier than the last time you saw him. You gulped as his attention was focused on you once again. “ Why, you ask? Well how would I find you, love?” He questioned making your worst fears come true.

“Leave her alone Crowley.” Dean ordered. Feeling like you could move again when Crowley’s eyes were off you, you hid behind Sam who moved close to you while you were focused on the monster in the room.

“ I don’t think that’s up to you, Squirrel” Crowley frowned. He got up from the couch with elegance and moved about a foot before stopping and looking up. He seemed puzzled that the Devils trap was even there in the first place.

“ It’s up to both of us Crowley.” Sam responded, making sure you were fully behind him. Crowley disappeared from your view and you finally felt like you could breathe again. You looked over at Dean, who stood in front of the bed Cas was laid out on. He seemed ready to kill Crowley the second they got all the info they could out of him. For some reason the thought of killing the King of Hell upset you a little. You hoped it was just because you never actually killed anyone or anything.

You heard Crowley sigh as if he was dealing with children. “ Please moose, you haven’t gotten a say in anything that’s happened in a long time. I mean, “ Crowley paused, you imagined he was looking up at the ceiling, “ A Devils trap really? Haven’t I proved to you morons time and time again these are worthless?” Suddenly you heard a crack and the entire room shook around you and the boys. You felt Sam look up at the now broken Devils Trap. You just hid behind him like he’d make it all go away. There was nothing you could do. They taught you nothing about demons since you guys left the Bunker. All you had was your will to live, which wasn’t all that high in your personal opinion.

“ There, I feel much better.” Crowley drawled. “ Now, I believe you two took something from me.” You felt someone behind you suddenly before your entire body felt like it was destroyed and then remade. Now you stood in front of Sam and Dean with Crowley holding you from behind. Your eyes grew wide in fear.

“[Y/N]!” Sam yelled. Dean’s eyes just got crueller like he was willing to shoot you if it meant taking out Crowley.

“ Now ,Now Moose. Don’t let your emotions get to you.” Crowley chided , his lips uncomfortably close to your ear. “Me and the lovely little thing are going to have a little chat all by ourselves now. Say goodbye to the boys, Darling” He purred. Before you could even yell for the boys you were transported somewhere you've never seen before.

The second Crowley loosened his hold on you, you pushed away putting as much distance between you and him. You tried to keep your eyes on Crowley as you looked at where you were.

Oh god, you thought as you looked around. The room was elegantly designed. All rich dark colors that made the room have this air of regality. There was a desk against the farthest wall and nearby it a full length dresser. You saw windows that lead out to a balcony which now showed a sunset. None of this seemed to register as you saw the bed. Jesus Christ you were in Crowley’s bedroom.

You freaked out not even realizing how much room you had put between you and Crowley till your back hit a wall, which you promptly slid down. You tried not to let the tears fall, he couldn’t see you weak. Not again. Not when you could help it. Your breath got shorter and you realized you were having a panic attack. Now there was no stopping the tears falling down your face. To do something you brought your knees up and buried your face in them. Oh god this can’t be happening. All you wanted was the Winchesters to like you again. All you wanted was to see Cas to tell him you’re not mad at him .All you wanted was for Crowley to have been something normal instead of the friggen King of hell.

You felt a hand on your shoulder, which only made you curl up on yourself more. If you couldn’t see or feel anything it meant it wasn’t happening. You knew life didn’t work that way but you had to hope something today would work for you. None of what you’ve gone through made any sense anyway. Why the hell would the King of Hell kidnap you? Where did you fit in his plans with the boys? Why did you matter so much for him to show up and risk dying?

The hand meanwhile hadn’t moved, instead another hand went to your other shoulder. They were gently rubbing your shoulders and arms, trying to coax you out of the ball that you made of yourself. Slowly you moved your head so you could see. Crowley was kneeled in front of you , worry written all over his face. If you didn’t know better by now you would have thought it was genuine. Despite knowing it didn’t stop your body from producing those same butterflies you felt when he kissed you. He smiled a little at you seeing you look up at him. Was it bad that you wanted him to comfort you?

You mentally shook your head, of course it was! He was the King of Rotten for christ sakes! The worst of the worst! The big bad who has killed maybe thousands of people and ruined countless lives!

But that didn't seem to stop your brain for going against reason and leaning into his warmth.

God you were going to hell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apparently can't write Crowley in a healthy relationship. Nope he has to kidnap them and bring them to his room. Because what girl doesn't like a good kidnapping? Crowley bby, get your shit together.


	3. The Death of a King

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After calming down you hope to get some answers from your kidnapper. Unfortunately that's just what you got/

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long. Hit a minor block. Hopefully I'll get chapter four out a bit quicker~

The King of hell smiled lightly at you. “ Feeling better,Darling?” He asked seeming to be concerned.  You returned the smile, though it didn’t reach your eyes.  You both stared at each other, trying to decipher the other’s gaze.  You saw his empathy didn’t fully reach his eyes either. That just made this whole situation worse.

 The two of you were leaning over the railing on his balcony that overlooked a lake. When the sun set it looked beautiful, as if painted by the best artist in the world. He had led you out here for some fresh air when  he realized your panic attack wasn’t just going to end with him providing some comfort.  Turning your head away from his impenetrable gaze you looked over the water trying to clear your mind of any thoughts. But one kept coming back over and over.

“Why me?”

Crowley gave you a puzzled look before realizing what you had meant. His face seemed to morph in front of you from the caring concerned man to the smug bastard that kidnapped you.

“ Well I promised a round two, and darling I keep my promises” As you turned back to look at him,he finished with a wink which made your butterflies fly a bit more south than they deserved to go. You felt your face heat as you remembered what round one was.

 You tried to keep your face blank of any emotion. Which was easy to do after everything you’ve been through. You had enough practice trying to get the Winchesters to accept you were fine.  You couldn’t  help let a sliver of anger poke through though. Your eyes hardened at the very thought of what he did to Cas just to get his “Round Two”.

Once again, you had to wonder if Crowley could read minds because his eyes narrowed at you.  “Now, pet , I can see your plotting my murder up in that lovely little head of yours, but know this. Cas wouldn’t have gotten as hurt as he did if he told me where you were hiding out. He had to be a hero which really he never has been able to play…” Crowley trailed off in thought before returning his full attention on you.  “ He would’ve been much better off in all honesty if  he just listened to reason.”

“ Oh, so giving me up was the reasonable thing?” You asked bitterly, venom dripping from every word. How dare this monster attack your friend then say giving you up to  god knows what  would have been  the better choice? Not that it would’ve made a difference. Crowley still found you.   You  were still in the clutches of the most evil thing you’ve ever met. Maybe if Cas did tell him he’d be alright and not in critical condition. Your brows furrowed in thought. Were you worth anyone getting hurt?

“ Now love, I didn’t say that .I said-”

“[Y/N]”

“ Hmm?”

“[Y/N]. It’s my name. Not love. Or darling. Or dear or whatever stupid pet name you decide to give me. My name is [Y/N]. Use it.” You put all your anger into the glare you gave him, daring him to say otherwise. Not like you could do anything but you couldn’t give up without a fight..

Instead of being mad Crowley just smiled and nodded his head you. “ Alright then, dar…[Y/N].” He seemed to be proud of you for telling him off which only made you worry.

With a sigh you turned back to the lake. If you could just not look at him maybe he’d just disappear. Idly you wondered how the Winchesters were faring and how long it’d be before they came here guns blazing. It shouldn’t take them too long. You hoped.

Despite not looking at him you could feel Crowley’s eyes on you. You tried your best to ignore him but eventually you get fed up being stared at like a lab rat.

“What?” You snapped at him, turning your entire body to look at him.  He just stared at your face, a small smile still on his. You didn’t even realise how close he was till he barely moved and his hand was on your face cupping it the same way on the day you met. A small gasp of shock escaped your lips at his touch. Your treacherous body leaned into his warmth just wanting another body to touch it platonically.

“ Have I told you how beautiful you are?” The demon murmured, his thumb lightly rubbing your cheek in a calming gesture.  You had no idea how to respond to such a question. Or to how he was touching you. You knew you were supposed to hate it , he was the king of hell, but you didn’t. You actually felt comforted by his touch. By his hands which you knew very well could harm.

With that your mind bolted back to Castiel and what this monster did to him.  You pulled back, putting some distance between you and the man that hurt your friend. You turned fully so your back was towards him as you felt the tears coming on again. You couldn’t let him see you cry again. He’d only try to comfort you and you did not need him touching you again. You were afraid of what you’d do.

It was a few minutes before either of you spoke again both of you just letting the silence waft over your little world. It truly felt like time had stopped and this place was different from everything else. You knew better, time stopped for no one. As if to prove your point a  breeze flew over the lake rustling the trees nearby and alerting you to the change from day to night. You shivered as the wind blew over you, the air cold against your skin.

When Crowley moved towards you, he spoke not a word, merely placing his suit jacket over you shoulders. Before you could turn around and question him on it he was gone just like the wind leaving you alone on the balcony. Alone once again with no one to hold on to as you fell. You clutched the jacket around you as you fell to the floor. No one was watching so the tears you had been fighting back fell just as freely staining the jacket a darker color that would disappear with time. Wrapping the jacket even closer for warmth you tried desperately not to think about how it smelt just like him.

~_________________________________________~

Crowley sat on his throne contemplating everything that happened in his room. He honestly didn’t count on her freaking out as bad as she had in his room. He had no idea what he expected but the girl hyperventilating on his floor was not one of them.  His eyes narrowed as he remembered how he reacted. He felt as if he was watching someone else help her. It was unlike him to comfort someone. It was unlike him to want to touch a human so bad, even if it was to hold her close.With a wave of his hand a demon appeared by his side, head bowed and waiting for his instructions.

“ I need you to find out everything you can about [Y/F/N]” When the demon gave him a questioning look he added, “ A friend of the Winchesters. Need to know what toy they brought along to our parties. Get a group out looking for all the information you can find. Now!” He yelled just as the underling disappeared from his view. With a sigh he slumped in his chair. He had to find out what she was and what magic she was using over her. He rubbed his face trying to make himself more presentable to rule. It wouldn’t do good to let the masses know how much the girl had affected him. It wouldn’t do good for them to even know about her.

**  
  
**

~_________________________________________~

**  
  
**

You sat on the satin sheets that lay across the bed. Now that you had time to recover yourself you started to think maybe this was a guest room and not the demon’s. Looking around you didn’t see many personal effects though you wondered what personal touch a demon would add to a room he didn’t actually need. You also knew you weren’t in Hell but on Earth based on seeing the sun set. You hoped anyway. Never being in Hell you didn’t have much in the ways of frame of references but you hoped Hell didn’t have it’s own setting sun.  It’d be much harder for the boys to get you if you were in Hell.

Sighing you plopped down on the bed. Laying down now you realized how tired you actually were. Made sense given what you’ve gone through for the past week then another kidnapping from the people who kidnapped you in the first place to get you away from the thing double kidnapping you. Ugh, just thinking about it made your head hurt. Rubbing your face with your hands you sat up again. Going to sleep in the bed of the thing that kidnapped you really probably wasn’t a good idea. But you wouldn’t be much help to the Winchesters when they came to rescue you if you were sleep deprived. More than you were anyway.

Yes sleeping would be the best option. Finally you and and your body seemed to make a joint decision  as you sunk lower into the warm inviting bed your only blanket the jacket you wore that smelt like sulfur and home.

Crowley stood at the end of the bed, watching her sleep in his jacket he gave to keep her warm. With no one to watch him his emotions were unguarded on his face, so the shock of the girl being comfortable in his room - no, in **_his_** bed - was clear.   A friend of the Winchesters,who had a panic attack just looking at the bed ,now slept peacefully unaware of the world around her. He had to wonder if the panic attack was fake, a ruse to get him to lower his guard. If so, she were a better actor then she looked.

The King of hell sighed, looking at his prisoner before sitting on the bed next to her. He wouldn’t sleep in here tonight. No he didn’t want to scare her more than she already had tonight. He seemed to be doing everything wrong today.  Softly he brushed a piece of [h/c] hair out of her face. She mumbled something unintelligible  moving a little. Crowley went to jerk back his hand but instead of waking she cuddled into his warmth before sighing happily. The demon just stared down at this girl who would cuddle up to a monster in her sleep.

Before disappearing to go back to work and away from the alluring comfort of this strange girl, only one thought went through his head.

**  
“ You will be the end of me, [Y/N]”**


	4. What you felt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You woke up and no one was there. Guess that means exploring time!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully this was quick enough. Ugh kept getting writers block with this one. Thank god for supernatural writing playlists.

_“Dean! Sam! Castiel!”  You ran from room to room in the bunker getting lost in the maze of marble and books  yelling for your friends.  You knew something was following you, something dangerous that broke in. You couldn’t find the Angel and the Winchesters and  you had no where to go. It cornered you. It was going to kill you. You closed your eyes and turned around to face the monster in the bunker. You opened them and saw a devilishly handsome man with a glass of amber liquid in his hand smiling at you._

__

_You tried to speak and ask them who the hell they were but nothing came out of your open mouth. You could only gasp for air as the thing got closer to you invading your space and looking as if it grew three sizes in a single step. Your eyes grew wide in fear as the only thing you could now see was darkness and a pair of red eyes._

__

“Cas!” You bolted upright in an unfamiliar bed a dark jacket falling off you on to the floor. You had a moment of panic before you remembered the events of last night. With a groan you threw yourself back into the bed and rubbed your eyes to remove the last traces of sleep. Looking around for a moment you saw the sun had risen but was still not in the middle of the sky. You also noticed Crowley was  not there just like before you fell asleep.  You guessed you were right about this being a guest room. It made sense, as far as you knew demons didn’t need to sleep.

Slowly you swung your feet over the bed only bending down to pick up the borrowed jacket. Looking at it you could tell it was custom made and probably cost a shit ton of money. Your fingers smoothed out the fabric, loving the feel the dark fabric had. You tried not to think of the implications as you swung the jacket behind you so you could put it on. It was clearly made for someone taller than you as the sleeves went past your hands. You didn’t move to fix it, instead opting to look around your suped up prison cell.

Ignoring the bed you padded over to the desk on the other side. It seemed to be made of some kind of rich, dark wood with intricate designs along the sides. You squinted at them trying to make sense of the unmoving figures. Eventually you grew tired of trying to see what exactly the figures carved into the wood were fighting. You moved to see what exactly was on the desk itself. It seemed to contain some books and scattered pages. Some page was marked with highlighters and pen while others were clean of any fixes and sat needing to be signed. You picked up a few to see if you could understand any of it. At a quick glance you saw most of the ones that needed to be signed were all in Latin. You put those to the side making the erratic pile it once was a cleaner and more organized one.  Picking up the ones marked up with notes and highlighter you saw those were in english thankfully.  With a quick skim your eyes grew wide in recognition. These were from the supernatural books. Crowley was reading all about their lives before he came into it and far after.

You pulled out the small wooden chair out from underneath the desk and sat down to read more about your first kidnappers. You had already finished the first book before you were whisked away from the safety of the bunker. You piled the ones you recognized from the first book right next to the things that needed to be signed. From there you tried to figure out what pages were from what book.  You knew you were just wasting time till the Winchesters and Cas came to your rescue. During you time wasting session you found one page that only said one thing, which was weird considering how the other pages’ margins were practically all filled up.  Scanning it you couldn’t help but laugh.

_**Sam and dean shared a look between each other, the feeling of victory freely**_

**_flowing._ **

**_They did it. They stopped The Apocalypse._ **

**_Just as Dean was about to give out a rather  unmanly whoop of joy he saw Sam’s face morph into fear. He sharply turned his head to look at the unmoving body of Satan. Lucifer rolled over onto his side gasping in pain_ **

**_“Owwh!”  The blond vessel whined between gasps his face twisted in agony. Just as it was there suddenly it was gone.Lucifer lept up from the ground and looked at his shooter with confusion, “ Where did you get that gun?” Before Dean could stammer out something Lucifer smacked him in the face sending him flying into a nearby tree. With a sigh the fallen Angel turned to the taller brother, his one true vessel._ **

**_Sam stood in shock as the bullet wound from The Colt disappeared as if it never happened. Lucifer just gave him a smile._ **

**_“Now where were we?”_ **

_  
_ __  


Just below the passage was a tiny note written in pen that read :  ** _“_** ** _How the  bloody hell was I to know it wouldn’t work?”_**  Well you now knew where they got it from, you thought as you laughed again at the Winchester’s past misfortune. They clearly stopped The Apocalypse as the world wasn’t on fire last time you checked.

“I’m glad my notes amuse you” mused  a sudden voice that filled the once silent room. Just like that night a week ago you bolted upright in your chair at the sound. The only differences were you weren’t drunk and you knew the voice. Turning around to face the demon, you put down the page of the Winchester Bible. He was grinning at you while leaning on one of the posts of the bed with the same amber liquid in a crystal glass.

Red eyes in the dark looming over you.

You took an involuntary step back bumping into the desk and shaking everything on it.  Your eyes grew wide in fear for a second as you briefly remembered  something.  You couldn’t remember where you saw red eyes or why you associated it with Crowley but it was enough to put you more on edge than before.

Crowley meanwhile looked like he was fighting himself to go over to you. You were hoping he didn’t and thankfully something finally went your way. He instead took a sip of what was probably expensive liquor.

You eventually steadied your breathing and thoughts. You refused to look into Crowley's eyes though. They sent a shiver of fear through you too strong to ignore. He seemed to notice you calmed down because he started talking again.

“How have you been liking my home, [Y/N]?” You heard the clink of his glass as if it was set down on wood. Looking at his hands you saw he actually moved away from you towards the bed you slept in. He had put his drink down on the nightstand as he looked at the paintings on the wall. He wasn’t even faced your way which on one hand you were grateful for because he couldn’t try to decipher you anymore. On the other hand a deep part of you felt annoyed that he went through all the trouble of kidnapping you, the least he could do is look at you. As if reading your mind once again, the demon turned his head to look at you with an expectant glint  in his eyes.

You swallowed the fear that was making its way up your throat again. “ Well, It is just a glorified cell, isn’t it?” You questioned now uncertain as his eyes narrowed at you. He took a step towards you before stopping himself right before the end of the bed. He sighed, his head going down then back up to you.

“ I can assure you that was not my intentions with you.” You couldn’t help a scoff that made its way through your mouth. He narrowed his eyes again as he continued with a little more edge to his words. “ I brought you here for a chat. I meant what I said to the Hardy Boys.”

You looked at the King of Hell skeptically. If he wanted to just have a chat maybe he should have done that last night instead of disappearing and leaving his… shit! Your eyes grew wide as you realized you were still wearing his jacket. You had grown so used to the smell of his cologne and sulfur you hadn’t even remembered when he poofed into the room.  You threw the jacket off and on to the chair you had been sitting on a few seconds earlier.Crowley just grinned a lopsided grin at seeing you get flustered over a piece of cloth. Coughing you brought the attention back to him wanting to talk to you. No point in dwelling over the fact that you liked his scent and the way his clothes felt on you. No point at all

“Crowley, generally if you want to talk to someone you talk to them. Not kidnap them and whisk them away to some far off mansion to talk the next day!” You sighed rubbing the bridge of your nose. Was a normal life to much to ask for?

Crowley actually had the decency to look embarrassed at his fuck up. He looked down at the floor then back at you. “ I realize that. I hadn’t meant to leave.. something came up. Though I did not expect you to be sleeping in my bed when I came back to finish what we started.” He was back to his cocky self, his lips twitching upwards slightly.

Now it was your time to look embarrassed.  You felt your cheeks heat up a bright red as you floundered for words “ Y- Your bed?” You managed to squeaked out.

“ Why yes my bed. I brought you to my room which is where I conduct most talks with beautiful people.” He gave a small wink which only made the blush worse if that was possible.

“Wh… Why do you have a bed?! Demons don’t need to sleep!” You shouted your embarrassment clouding your judgement. God how could you have been such an idiot!?

You didn’t even see Crowley lose his smile. Or the darkness that seemed to roll over his face. You only realized something was wrong when you didn’t hear a witty comeback or some sexual innuendo.  You refocused on the demon finally noticing his dark look. You couldn’t walk any further back, the desk pushing into the middle of your back. You opted to grip the desk in fear as if that would help you fend off your captor.

Crowley’s face morphed for a second to confusion, fear then the blank mask he always wore. He seemed to be struggling with something but honestly you didn’t want to know. You wished you were home. You wished Cas and the boys would just hurry up and save you already. You wished Crowley could’ve just been an Angel popping in instead… instead of the King of Hell

“I…” Crowley started before closing his mouth again. You looked away from his face, still gripping the desk. Maybe you could use some of the paper on it to fight him. The bane of a demon’s existance, paper cuts. “ I need to sleep sometimes due to what those idiots did to me.” He paused again before taking a deep breath and continuing. “ They tried to turn me human. It was foolish,idiotic,desperate but also it almost worked. They caused something, something that fester insides me. Something that plagues me like a bloody parasite!” He yelled changing his face into anger. As quickly as it showed it fell replaced by a remorseful expression. “ I feel for the first time in a long time, [Y/N].”  You were staring at the demon in shock, nothing coming out of your gaping mouth. What does one say to that? You eventually closed your mouth and chose to give the man a confused expression. He chuckled as if once again reading your mind.

“I’m telling you this because… because I felt something in the boys’ batcave. I felt something for you,[Y/N]. Something that didn’t hurt. I felt like myself again.  You made me feel like a KIng of freakin Hell.” Crowley took a step towards you arms opened wide, “Tell me you didn’t feel it too?”

You continued to stare at Crowley wide eyed. You wanted to speak but it seemed your body went into overload and refused to function. Your hands thankfully let go of the desk instead wanting to be clutched tight to your chest. Crowley took this as an invitation to continue instead of stopping.

“ Please,[Y/N]. I know you felt something. I honestly thought you put a spell on me. I thought you were trying to control me. That’s… that’s why I hurt feathers.  Tit for tat and all that.” He gave a small chuckle before resting his hands on your shoulders trying to look you in the eyes. “ Please tell me you felt nothing that night. Tell me you don’t want me and I will leave you alone.” You finally looked Crowley dead in the eyes, ignoring the fear that pierced through you. You had to say it. For Castiel.

“ I felt nothing”

Crowley stepped back for a second as if you shot him, his eyes were wide in disbelief before he gained his closed off expression once more. He fixed his suit and tightened his tie before coughing. “ Right. Well I made a promise, Love.” The demon cupped your cheek stroking his thumb down the side of your face. He let a smile slip through a crack in his mask as he looked at you. You tried not to lean into him or anything. You tried to show control to back up what you said.

“ Time to leave you alone”

Crowley leaned closer placing a chaste kiss on your lips. Your eyes fluttered close as you let the King of Hell. Just when you started to push back he was gone.

You opened your eyes staring at the walls of a dirty motel. Sam and Dean jumped up from their respective beds shouting your name.  You could barely hear them. You looked around the room and saw Cas resting on a couch still injured. You did this for him. Tears welled up in your eyes at the thought of the  man you lost.

Your knees gave out, one of the brothers caught you though you weren’t sure which. You just leaned into them and cried yourself to numbness.

  
You felt everything that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know i said maybe no crying...
> 
> BUT I LIED


	5. Breaking Point

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It takes longer then expected but your walls are tumbling down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OHMYGODIMSOSORRY  
> I most definitely did not mean to wait 2 months to post an update!  
> I've unfortunately been going through a tough family thing that kinda killed any desire to do anything interesting. Hopefully this is good ;n; im sorry lovelies

7 months, 3 weeks, and 5 days since you last saw Crowley. You knew the hours too but you felt going down to them would be a bit excessive. The boys hadn’t heard a peep from him either so they assumed he was finally leaving them alone or had died. Not that they gave a shit either way. Only you knew the real reason.

The two took your word this time when you told your story about what happened. They couldn’t deny this time that you weren’t working with Crowley. After getting kidnapped people tend to believe you when you say bad things about that person.

The nightmares that once kept you up every night never bothered you anymore. They were just dreams now. Just a part of the life. You managed to stop the screaming out names in the middle of the night for help. Having to play off that you screamed Crowley in fear not in want got a little difficult after the third time.

You took a sip of some wine cooler you grabbed from the bunker fridge. It tasted bland and bitter but you kept downing it anyway. You were seated at the main table in the library, the brothers scattered out across the table. You were all looking at research for a recent hunt though from the looks of the passed out form of Dean precariously leaning on the table, he wasn’t too invested in the search. 

You heard from the left Sam chuckle at his big brother as drool slowly dripped from the side of his mouth onto the table. The two of you could definitely find the information on the ghost yourselves but Dean had promised to help. You shook your head with a smile. Just like him to find a loophole to not do the nerd work,as he called it. 

Just then Sam stood up startling you a bit. He looked at you, smiling sheepishly in apology. “ I’m going to get Cas, he’s the only one that can lift Dean.” Sam turned and left the library as you let out a short laugh. You knew you’d have to get a picture of that interaction. Dean flipping shit about it alone would be worth it. The second Sam left the room you dropped the grin from your face, you could practically feel the color drain from the room. Back to business.

You put your head in your hands , rubbing your face to get rid of any traces of sleepiness. You guys needed to figure out what was killing all these teenagers out a local school. At first you all thought it was a vengeful spirit but now that was seeming less and less likely. You couldn’t find anything on a kid that died recently ‘cept for well the recent deaths you’re already investigating. Your hands fell from your face as you groaned and banged your head on the table. At this point you were hoping it was just some human beings being shitty human beings.

You lifted your head and noticed the door Sam left through was open slightly. You might as well follow him, you could get a sandwich or some actual food in your stomach for once. You gently pushed away from the table trying to be careful to not wake the sleeping beauty. He’d only bitch and moan at you for it. Walking closer to the slightly ajar door you heard angry muffled whispers. Seemed Sam and Cas were fighting over something...again. Probably just Dean and the fact that literally no one wanted to move him, not even his not-really-boyfriend boyfriend. You knew you should just mind your buisness and sit back down, maybe get your sustenance after the two fight over what they clearly wanted to stay between each other. You’ve should’ve done a lot of things in your life, not going to start listening to reason now. Sliding up to the door you caught the end of Sam’s sentence.

“...owning the alcohol like she’s Dean!” You heard Sam try to get across to Cas. There was an exasperated sigh from one of them and a ruffling of hair.

“Sam, I don’t know what you want me to do…” Cas seemed to be pleading with the younger Winchester just to say what he needed out right.

“ Cas, I want you to save her from herself.” Slowly you realized they were talking about you. You were the only female in the bunker. Charlie was gods know where charlie goes. That meant you. They were talking about you. Worried about you. Your eyes grew wide in a sense of panic and joy that they cared. Sam interrupted your thoughts.

“ She’s drowning Cas… We don’t know what that son of a bitch did to her when he took her. We both know she’s not telling the whole truth about what happened. It’s almost been 8 months! 8 months and what he did is still fresh in her mind like it happened yesterday, Cas! You’re not here at night. You don’t wake with her screams every other night or her sobbing like she’s broken. We need to help her...please…” Sam pleaded with the Angel. You could almost see his puppy dog eyes directed at the stone faced wall that was Cas’ face.

Your knees felt weak after Sam finally finished. They knew you couldn’t handle it. They knew about your nightmares. God you thought you stopped screaming in the night a while ago but apparently you also cried like a child. Your legs gave out and you slid to the floor, the stone wall behind you giving you something to rest against.

You heard the conversation continue further down the hall. Something about an old book and some ingredients that will give you dreamless nights. It would help a bit but not fully. He broke you with kindness and wasn’t even around to gloat. You probably were the first to cry over a demon leaving you. 

A laugh escaped your lips at that thought. You couldn’t stop, it was funny. You were crying over a god damned demon. Your laughing got louder and more crazed as you continued. You were crying over someone who kidnapped you. You felt tears wet your cheeks, following paths they knew all too well. You were crying over Crowley, King of Hell.

God help you, you were crying over someone you loved.

You loved him.

You loved Crowley and nothing was bringing him back. He hated you and it was better like that. The Winchesters would kill him without a second thought. They would think he put a spell on you again.

Again… like they think he did the first time.

You realized Sam and Cas were standing over you looking concerned. Sam had fear etched into his face, like he thought you finally just snapped. Cas had pity on his. It all hurt more. Your laughter broke into full fledged sobs. Your hands found your face hoping to hide them from their looks. 

Warm arms wrapped themselves around you. It took you little time to recognize the telltale smell as Dean. You must have woke him up with your breakdown. You just held him back as he rubbed your back soothingly, whispering to you it was going to be alright. Everything was going to be okay, [Y/N]. Everything will be fixed.

You wished the smell was of sulfur and craig, not leather and blood.

Everything went black.

“Oh, my love, I’m so sorry…”


	6. Truths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You regain consciousness but at what cost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> two chapters in one day? Its almost like someone is trying to make up for a two month hiatus. Weird.

Slowly the world returned to focus.

First smells. Books, leather, dried blood, alcohol, sulfur.

Hearing. You could hear Dean screaming bloody murder at someone. Someone close to you.

Touch. Dean wasn’t holding you anymore. He sounded too far away. No this person felt warm and like home. You curled up further into the person’s grip.

Taste. God never again were you drinking shitty wine coolers. Better stick to the good stuff your mind decided.

Sight. Slowly your eyes opened revealing the scene before you. Dean and Sam stood side by side, demon killing arsonal on their person and aimed towards you. Your eyes grew in fear till you realized it was the person holding you they were aiming at. Cas was looking at you with pity again but also something else. Satisfaction. Within seconds you knew that whatever was happening Cas made it happen.

If they were standing in front of you who was clutching you on the floor? You turned your head already knowing the answer. Crowley glared at the Winchesters practically hissing at them as he clutched you closer to himself. He held you bridal style but still on the floor like he was afraid to move her too much.

Only Cas seemed to realize you were awake again. You had to wonder how long you were out. You also had to wonder whether or not this was just a dream your sick brain supplied. You knew a non painful way to prove that.

You grabbed Crowley’s face much to his surprise. His heated gaze turned to you softening a fraction. You stared into his brown pools before closing your eyes and kissing him. Once again you seemed to shock him before he responded, his mouth moving against yours. You felt his tongue dart out to taste your lips and opened your mouth in answer. Your tongue mingled with his as he continued his exploration of your mouth. Your hands moved to behind his head before gripping each other to keep your demon close. His hands in return just gripped you harder, no longer afraid you were going to shatter in his arms.

When you couldn’t breathe any longer you two broke apart, only your pants sounding in the strangely quiet library. You rested your head against his forehead as he closed his eyes, a small smile breaking out across his face.

“What the fucking hell?!”

You almost jumped out of Crowley’s arms but they held you like a vice.

“Well at least you have the decency to look embarrassed!” Dean yelled in reference to your quickly reddening face. He threw his hands in the air, the demon knife whisking through the air with them. “Am I the only one who sees how fucked up this is?!” Cas looked away from you and Crowley, his gaze trailed to Sam who had a goofy look on his face. It was a mix between disgust and happiness. An interesting combination.

“I...I..” You began but quickly faltered. How did one explain something even they didn’t understand. You weren’t even sure what happened after you very clearly passed out from… grief?

Dean actually tapped his foot in impatience for an explanation. Crowley thankfully took the growing rage off of you.

“ I believe I have an answer here.” He cut in, the Winchester’s faces snapping up to him. “ Your lovely hunter here has changed something in me that you two idiots started. You made me feel. You morons made me human. With being human, well you’ve heard of soulmates…” He paused for dramatic effect hoping it would sink in. The boys faces were just as blank with confusion as before though Cas’ face grew red like yours.

“ You two are lucky you have your looks,” You heard the demon mutter under his breath before returning to full volume. “ [Y/N] here is my soulmate. I am her’s. She is mine.” He punctuated mine with a squeeze of her arm and practically growling the word out. Your face probably mirrored the Winchester’s. There was no way. Absolutely no way. Crowley could not be your soulmate. He was a demon. DEMON. no soul. no soulmate.

But… he did tell you the boys gave him a taste of a soul. A sorta soul… that means you were his… sorta soulmate?

You raised a hand, gently pushing yourself off of him. He let you push him away, carefully releasing you while still glaring at the Winchesters just daring them to try to take you away again.

You stood gingerly, your legs sore from giving out from underneath you. You turned to your friends for the last 8 months. “ What happened?” You whispered towards them. Your eyes pleading for some damn explanation. Finally Sam spoke up , not before sending a look Dean’s way.

“ Uh well me and Cas found you laughing on the floor. Well not really laughing more hysterically crying and laughing. You just wouldn’t stop and then you just started sobbing. I didn’t know what to do but Dean held you trying to get you to stop..” Sam sent a smile at Dean but Dean’s face remained hardened. His younger brothers smile faltered before returning his look to you. “ Uh then I don’t know you passed out or something. Cas tried to check on you but Crowley suddenly was here.” Crowley smiled at being acknowledged.

“So we tried to kill the son of a bitch” Dean cut in with a gruff. Your head turned to face him and he silenced himself. You could tell that whatever look you were sending him could kill.

“ So we tried to kill him…” Sam reiterated. “ We thought he came back to hurt you. But uh we can see that’s not an issue.” He gave you a small smile which you returned. You turned to face Cas the only one who hadn’t spoken during the entire exchange as far as you were aware.

The angel turned his face away from you. “ What did you do?” You asked knowing he was hiding something from you. 

Cas sighed before actually looking at you. His eyes were shining like he wanted to cry or kill something. “ I… helped him get to you.”

“ You knew…”

Cas remained silent proving you right.

You turned to Crowley who was now standing up behind you. He smirked at you but it died when he saw your face.

“How long?”

“hmm?”

“How long had you known?” You questioned a little louder. He seemed to get what you were trying to say.

“Since I kissed you.”

The sound of skin hitting skin made everyone flinch. Crowley held his cheek in shock, the area getting a little red.

“ You son of a bitch! The entire time! 7 whole fucking months! And you knew?!” Your hands curled into fists as you fought the urge to punch him in the face. “ You just let me fester till I felt like I needed you?!”

“Dar-”

“DON’T YOU DARE… don’t you dare call me darling or or love or whatever fucking stupid ass name you’ll call me to try to pacify me!” You could feel someone’s hand on your shoulder but you shrugged them off. You were finally able to open up and you weren’t going to back down now. You waited for his response, hopefully without the nicknames.

“I…[y/n]... I didn’t want to leave you alone. You told me to. I thought maybe I was imagining it, coming off a human feeling high or something.” He paused looking up at the four in front of him. You glared at him, daring him to continue. “ You think you’ve been the only one drinking themselves sick?” He asked pointing towards the empty bottles by where you were sitting earlier that night. “ My poison is human blood though. Maybe we could go to AA meeting together. Make a date of it.” 

He was slipping back into his King Of Hell persona and you knew it. He was trying to goad you to see what you’d do. This was him the real him. 

“ So 8 months fucking ourselves up.I’d ask how’d you fare but well you were passed out in Dean’s arms when I got here.” He smirked at you, waving lightly and the elder winchester.

You put out your arm as you felt the man start to move towards the demon. Thankfully Dean stayed back out of respect for you. “ Why did you come here?”

Crowley sighed before turning and walking around the room. He acted like he didn’t care but you could see beyond the facade. He was nervous. Something made him come here and he wasn’t quite sure why. 

“Crowley…” You only had to speak him to face you okay. You could see the desperation on his face. He thought he was losing you again. “ Why did you come here?”

Suddenly he was in front of you again, his hand coming up to cup your cheek. You leaned into it, covering his with your own. You both smiled at each other pretending none of this was happening. But it was. And you needed answers.

“ I felt you, [Y/N]. I felt you in pain. I felt you fall and black out like it was me doing it. I just came here knowing I needed to help. I needed to see you.” His words came out hoarse as if it hurt to even to speak them. 

You searched his eyes looking for any hint of dishonesty but found nothing but the cold truth. He felt you needed him. He was going through the same thing you were if not worse. You knew you still loved him but he thought it was purely one sided. You two were more messed up then you could’ve thought.

You were perfect for each other.

You wrapped your arms around the demon’s neck, pulling him into a hug. After a moment his hands lowered onto your waist pulling you into him in turn. Your eyes closed as you felt the smooth feeling of his suit against your skin and his stubble on your neck.

This was the demon you loved.  
The King of Hell.

And he was all yours.

You moved to whisper in his ear before turning back to your friends. The Winchester’s looked confused but Cas looked happy for you. You ran up, pulling all three into a messy group hug.

“Thank you three, really” You whispered to them. Before they could question your pretty uncharacteristic actions you had let them go and were already in Crowley’s arms again.

“Take me home Crowley”

Your demon just smiled but with a simple nod you two were gone from the bunker, only a blank space and your empty bottles taking up your space.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear to the spn gods themselves there will be smut in the next chapter. Honest to god I finally got up to the dorks round two.


	7. Saving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You find yourself in Crowley's room but this time on your own volition

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awh yesss the finial chapter is here!  
> get ready for what you heathens have been waiting for.
> 
> and to think this was supposed to be a one shot

You felt your feet touch solid ground again after a mere second of nothingness. You were ungraceful on your feet after teleporting but you had Crowley to hold you still.

You had Crowley.

You looked at your soulmate your heart swelling. You both were broken and messed up but you knew both your broken pieces could be fit into each other making both of you whole.

Crowley smiled back down at you, his brown eyes glittering at you like you were his very world. You couldn’t help but smile back giving a light laugh. After everything you both deserved this.

He held your hips in one hand, the other moving up to hold the back of your head as he moved into kiss you again, this time without the winchesters or their angel to watch. This time it was just the two of you. Lightly he pulled your hair back trying to angle your head better, what he didn’t expect was the little moan that broke free from your mouth.

Crowley pulled away slightly, the most devilish smirk on his face while your face just reddened at what happened.

“ I….” You honestly didn’t know what to say. His grin just grew before he gave you a finial chaste kiss. Slowly he detangled himself from your arms. You almost pulled him back but he tut’d even slapping your hands away playfully.

“I’m not a piece of meat, love.” He joked, shucking off his jacket before placing it on his desk chair. That was when you realized where you were. You were back in his room. Little seemed to have changed over the last 7 months except his desk which looked like a paper bomb went off on it.

Giving him a smirk back you placed your hands on your hips , giving him a look, “ Bit presumptuous don’t you think?” you asked in reference to the fact that he teleported you two to his room of all places. He just smiled back, wiggling his eyebrows for effect, which of course just made you giggle at the man.

“I would never presume, darling. But I think the kiss in front of team fuck up definitely told me a lot of things.” He answered walking back to you now that his suit jacket was off. Eventually he was standing in front of you again, the smell of sulfur and craig filling your senses.

“ Oh?” was the only response your brain could really give at the moment. Just being near Crowley seemed to fuck with your sensibilities.

“Mhmm,” He purred, “ It told me you were passionate, forgiving, and above all else you most definitely loved my room.”

You gave a small laugh, some of your wit returning. To follow with his game you pulled at his tie, playing with the silk between your fingers. “ Seems like a rather talkative kiss”

“ It just wouldn’t shut up,” He mocked complained back as he pulled you closer to him, one arm winding behind your back. You couldn’t help but give a little gasp when you were pressed against a hard length in Crowley’s pants.

The demon’s eyebrows just rose suggestively and you almost had the sense to hit him in the arm or something before his mouth captured yours again. With it all thoughts of hitting him disappeared. Your arms wove together behind his head, keeping him trapped there like a mock prison. The demon licked lightly at your lips for a second time that night and just like before you granted him access. 

Instead of exploring, his tongue rolled around with yours, the taste of his expensive alcohol and the unmistakable sulfur mixing with your own. You moaned lightly into the kiss, trying to ignore how you could feel him smile against your lips. One of his hands moved from your hips again but instead of going through your hair it stopped at the hem of your shirt. Ever so slowly the hand moved it’s way up under the shirt exploring the skin he had yet to touch with almost reverence.

You shivered at his overly warm hands worked their way up your body, the other one soon joining the first. His lips left yours, opting to trail down your jawline to your neck. You tried not to gasp as he bit lightly the part of your shoulder that met your neck but you knew he heard it anyway. His warm tongue gently licked the spot he bit as if asking for forgiveness. Your shaky breath seemed to be the only pardon he needed though,

Crowley tugged at the hem of your shirt, his hands finding their way there again. Understanding the hidden meaning you lifted your arms up and off his neck as he pulled the shirt up and over. He quietly took a step back as if admiring everything he saw. When you moved to cover yourself from his probing eyes he grabbed your arms keeping you from hiding.

“ I want to see all of you” He whispered his voice coming out low and hoarse. Gently he pushed you towards his bed . Even as your legs hit the edge of the bed he continued to guide you back so you lay down across his satin sheets. Slowly he lowered himself before you, his eyes never leaving yours. He pulled lightly at the band of your pants, his eyes seeking permission. You lifted your hips in answer as he slid your pants off your legs.

Suddenly he was towering over you, his arms and legs caging you to his bed. His eyes shone with unspoken words as he dove for your neck again. You moved your head, lengthening your neck for him as your hands explored his still clothed body.

You were going to have to fix that.Your hands found his collar and pulled, ripping open the shirt his buttons flying all over. His head shot up and you swear he was about to chastise you for it. The look on your face must’ve made him think better of it because he dove for your mouth instead, moaning into the kiss as your hands explored the newly revealed skin. Crowley wasn’t especially fit like the winchesters but his soft body still held power underneath it and you loved it. 

Your left hand found it’s way to his hair, messing up the usually perfectly done style. He seemed to like your hands in his hair because soon his own hands found yours , lightly tugging on it like before making you moan again.

You pulled away from the kiss needing to breath. The two of you looked at each other in awe never thinking that you’d be here even an hour ago. It gave the whole engagement a whole new exciting edge.

Suddenly Crowley gave a smirk which should’ve been your warning he was going to do something. His hips came down on your own, grinding down on you making you release some embarrassing noises.

“Oh god!” You yelped, feeling his hard length against you. Crowley growled, nipping at you ear.

“Don’t you dare mention his name again” He whispered threateningly in your ear turning you on more than it had any right to. “ I’m the only thing in this room you should be worshipping”

You think you gave out some breathy affirmations, but whatever you said was good enough for him. You felt him grin against your neck as his hands went back to exploring now that he knew you weren’t going to mention the big guy in bed. Your hips made some aborted movement upward against him when his hand gently rubbed against your clothed breast. The groan against you was one of the hottest things you heard and you most definitely wanted to hear it again.

You pushed on his shoulder quickly flipping your positions so now you straddled him. You could barely see his brown eyes anymore, his pupils taking up every bit they could out of lust, even a bit of red flickering in and out. You imagined you looked the same if not worse. 

You braced your hands against his shoulder to support your weight as you grinded against him. If his eyes were wide before , they were practically popping out now as he gasped out your name. You smiled down at him doing it again, this time his eyes closing as he tried to meet your thrusts.

Smiling wider, one of your hands slithered down between the two of you, rubbing the hard cock they found. His eyes shot open again this time his eyes as red as blood. It both terrified and excited you. You leaned across his chest, your hand still playing lightly against him. Now that you were closer you could hear him growling lowly.

“ I think we’re still wearing too much” you whispered in reference to your underwear and his pants. He seemed to agree as he literally ripped your bra off of you. You would have actually yelled at him but he captured one of your free nipples in his mouth making you groan and make another trust against him.   
You never would have guessed demon teeth were sharper than humans till his were nipping at your nipple making you gasp and arch against him. He used your distraction to flip the two of you again so he was on top.

“To… too long” You were going to ask what he was talking about but when he snapped and the rest of your guys clothes were gone you realized what he meant. The feeling of all of you touching all of him was one of the best feelings in the world. His cock brushed against your inner thigh making you wrap your legs around his back wanting him closer. His head dropped into the hollow of your neck groaning at the feel of you.

“ S-sweetheart” He called breathlessly trying to get your attention, “ I-lucifer in fucking hell! I need you to let me go I, I cant get in you with you so-fucking christ on the cross!” He bit the juncture of your neck again, annoyed he couldn’t get the words he needed out. you moaned into his ear letting him know what he was doing to you.

“ If I can’t s-say god, you can’t mention any of Cas’ brothers, half or otherwise.”

Crowley seemed impressed you could get out a full sentence let alone a thought. He’d have to fix that. He took one of his hands which were in your hair and moved to the apex of your thighs. With deft fingers he found a nub of nerves and pressed lightly with his thumb making your hips buck into him, making you both groan in unison.

“Fine, woman. God,” He breathed into your neck, “ You have no idea what you do to me, darling.”

“ Crowley” You moaned in response. He seemed to like you moaning his name because he tried to repeat what he did to make you do it again. “ God crowley i need you!” Your legs almost unwillingly untangled from behind him, just enough for him to grab his length and position it.

Crowley growled and with a sharp thrust of his hip was fully sheathed. Your eyes shut open, unaware you had even closed them at the feel of him in you. He just whispered mindlessly into your neck though you could’ve sworn you heard an ‘I love you’ peppered somewhere in there.

“ Say it again” You never heard him so quiet and pleading that you just had to.

“ I need you!” You moaned again as he slowly moved his hips in and out, trying to get used to your wet heat surrounding him. “ Crowley I need you, I need you more than anything please faster Crowley!” His hips sputtered for a second before he fully withdrew and slammed back into you making you scream his name.

“[Y/N]” Crowley growled back, deciding he liked the hard fast pace best, mostly due to your screams and pleads to do so.

Your arms crossed across his back trying to pull him closer to you if you could, on a hard thrust you clawed down his make making him moan louder, his hips losing some of their rhythm. He seemed to realize he was close but wanted you to come first. His hand found your bundle of nerves again this time rubbing it with vigor making your own thrusts back at him sputter as well.

“Crowley!”

You could feel yourself clench down on him, stars entering your vision as all you could see was the red depths of his eyes. The blinding light hit you like a train pushing you fully over the edge.

You could feel him finally spill inside you, your name on his lips as he came. With a few more thrusts he and you both came down from your high. He collapsed on top of you, careful still not to crush you. Gingerly he pulled out of you, much to your displeasure and practically threw himself next to you. 

For a while the only noise in the room with you two trying to even your breathing. When you looked over at Crowley, his eyes had returned to their normal shade of brown, the pupils still blown. Crowley turned his head to look at you two, a dopey smile on his lips.

“ I have to say,” He finally said breaking the comfortable silence, “ much better than human blood.”

You couldn’t help yourself, you burst out laughing even snorted at his stupid joke. You playfully hit him, turning yourself so you lay on your side in his arms.

His dopey smile soon turned to one you knew was only reserved for you. It wasn’t like his classic smirk it was more sincere, like a mask had been taken off and you now saw the real King of Hell. “ I’m serious, Much better than human blood. I think you cured me.” He kissed your lips lightly, one you both knew wasn’t going anywhere. “ And to think it only took a soulmate. Who knew I needed to be saved?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you go my lovelies!
> 
> Hope it was as good as you expected, if not, expect less next time.
> 
> lol in other news, I plan to write an epilogue, probably featuring team free will and their whole uh reactions


	8. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of your sudden departure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here ya go ya nerds, take the very last chapter!

Dean stared at the empty space that their friend left. 

“ What the fuck!”

Sam chuckled at his exclamation, sending a nervous side glance at Cas. The angel was still looking at the floor his face the same stony expression, betraying nothing. 

“ No seriously, What the fuck!” Dean yelled again, whirling on his brother. Sam just held his hands up in defense. “ She mopes around for 8 friggen months and one kiss and that’s all gone?!” Sam’s eyes unconsciously glanced at Cas quickly hoping Dean didn’t notice. He did.

“ Hey! Me and Cas are different! He never kissed me or kidnapped me!”

“ No he just made me go insane and tried to kill you a few times” Sam drawled, giving his brother a look. “ I’m just saying, if Crowley has a soulmate from nearly being human, what would happen to an Angel who was a human for a couple of months?”

Dean mouth just opened and closed for a few minutes till he opted to just give his brother a glare. He stormed off, grumbling about needing alcohol as Sam chuckled again at him. 

“ Do you think so?”

It was quiet, barely a whisper and so very un-cas like. Sam wouldn’t have known he talked if he didn’t see his mouth move. 

“ About?”

“ About me having a soul mate?” His eyes moved from the floor, meeting Sam’s mute green eyes. Sam could see all the unsaid words he knew Cas wanted to say. Sam just smiled sadly, patting his friend on the back.

“ I do, Cas. You deserve him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end! Jeez for what was supposed to be one shot this definitely took a while to finish. But it is done!
> 
> Maybe I can finally finish the other stories I started


End file.
